On Power

Sometimes I do these short posts with no tags. When I want to share but I don't want my words to be easily found. Posts that get pushed away by everything I do to forget, to be happy.

Power is a great thing, right? I mean it's made out to be that way. Sought after. And it is in some ways.

Power can be control. It can be independence. It's confidence and certainty. It's being able to do things on your own. Being able to change things for the better. I could list more but all I see right now is the power I don't want to have.

Pets and euthanasia. I know to some of you reading this, the weight of the topic has suddenly dwarfed to nothing. But for any other pet owner, you're still feeling as much a burden as I am. I've gone through putting a few pets to sleep, yes, but the third dog from my childhood is at that point right now. Hell, we even have a highly likely time frame: tomorrow.

I hate it. Who am I to take something - anything - else's life? Who am I to decide when enough is enough? Sometimes it's clear. Sometimes, like with the other dog from my childhood, the suffering is beyond obvious. It's heartbreaking. You can see the struggle in them as they try to greet you, because as much as they love you and want to greet you cheerfully, they just can't.

I don't see that with Luna. But we hear her crying, we know she's in pain, we see her shake as she goes down the stairs. We see the blood that could mean the cancer has spread.

I wish I had more patience. I wish I've done things differently. We never know how short time is until it's too late, right?

I know tomorrow she may sleep her last time, but she doesn't. And I'll continue to know that as many times more in the future as I have pets. I'll know when we call it a day. I'll know when that life isn't worth sustaining. I'll make that call, call that judgment. And I hate it.

It's not right. I don't want that kind of power.


MAC's Bao Bao Wan Sneak Peek

It feels like forever since I last wrote about a MAC collection. Trust me - they've been coming out and I've still been purchasing things here and there from them - I just haven't been on top of my reviews. To be honest, this Sneak Peek post really feels like a waste of time, because the products I purchased from MAC's Bao Bao Wan collection - the collection's lipsticks - are mostly sold out, both online and at MAC counters.

MAC has this obsession with making limited edition products extremely limited, and I have to say the company's collaboration with jewelry designer Bao Bao Wan was perhaps the most limited collection I've personally experienced to date. First the online release was pushed back, then it magically launched online for retailers that were supposedly not receiving the collection, then people were able to order products before they officially launched at one of said online retailers, then MAC released the collection one day earlier than officially announced on its own site...people were placing phone [pre]orders at counters, counters were sold out before the doors opened, shipments were never received...have I traumatized you yet?

It was insane. The true center of all this chaos was one particular lipstick, "Lavender Jade," which I somehow managed to purchase [over the phone from a store across the country]. It shouldn't come as much of a surprise, then, that I don't have the lipstick yet to share with you. I wouldn't even be surprised if it never made it here, LOL.

Anyway, what I do have to share quickly with you today are the collection's other three limited edition lipsticks: "Forbidden Sunrise," "Burmese Kiss," and "Romantic Breakdown." Let's sit back and enjoy those, then, right?


Sakamoto Maaya: Shiawase Ni Tsuite Watashi Ga Shitteiru 5-Tsu No Hoho/Shikisai (LE) + First Press/External Bonus (01/28/15)

Okay everyone, say it with me: Shiawase Ni Tsuite Watashi Ga Shitteiru 5-Tsu No Hoho -

/ Shikisai. God damn.

That mouthful up there, out just over a month ago on 01/28/15, is Sakamoto Maaya's first release for the year of her 20th anniversary, and currently her most recent single. I preordered my limited edition copy back in November and received my precious package the first week of February. As such, I've been listening to this single for a generous month. I should have published this review a long time ago, clearly.

Due to the enormous delay, I'll be publishing only one post for this single, as it would be embarrassing to delay the full review further by splitting it into two parts. Today, then, we will be admiring the limited edition copy with its first press/external bonuses, and I will share my thoughts on that which matters most: the single's content, some of Sakamoto's latest work.



The IceBlock [24]: Snow & Song

It's been a while since I've stared at a blank screen. I've been out of it lately. Confused. Eager. Reaching out for more of something that might not be there. May have never been.

This week Sakamoto Maaya's newest single comes out, and my copy shipped out this morning. I'm in love with the second track on it - "Shikisai" - and plan on doing a cover very, very soon. I might have even had one today except for the fact that my computer is stupid (or maybe it's just me). I thought I did a great job only to find out that Audacity had the audacity to record with the computer microphone. You know, the one that captures the sound of my computer's engine taking flight, for fuck's sake. But I'll actually share the link to it on here once that magically comes together, because I really love the song.

I watch the pile of stuff to review get higher and higher, and I pull the blanket over my head and go back to sleep.

Today it snowed, which sucks. I hate snow. Winter too. On the bright side, my job closed early yesterday and was closed for the entirety of today. First official snow day in quite a while.

What is wrong with me? I have not the grandest clue. All I know is that I want more...and keep trying for more.

Something interesting that has been taking shape is my future. You know, the one that never seems in reach. Things are falling into place - not unexpectedly, but I guess I've been so disappointed with 'tomorrow' that I'm having trouble realizing that my goals are tangible. I have my necklace, I have myself.

I'm trying to say 'yes.' I'm trying to see what I'm capable of. I want things to be different for a change. I want the spring to come. I want to know what's going on.

I sit here anxiously and strain for more.



Lips: MAC's Lipstick in "Damn Glamorous" (LE) [The Matte Lip 2014] + A Comparison


Maybe just kidding. (What does that even mean?)

Once upon a time, MAC released a collection called The Matte Lip, that came with seven new and limited edition lipsticks, of which I purchased three, two that are reviewed here and here, before purchasing a fourth that I'm reviewing today (before the third of the first three). Did I lose you yet?

Fun fact: The Matte Lip marks the third collection from MAC from which I purchased four lipsticks. The other two are A Fantasy of Flowers and Playland.

Second fun fact: The four lipsticks I purchased each from the three collections were all the same finish, per collection. The four from A Fantasy of Flowers are all lustre, the four from Playland are all amplified, and the four from The Matte Lip are all matte.  

Third and final fun fact: Playland is, without a doubt, the winner of all three collections ("Toying Around" should have been backed-up twice, at least, instead of not at all), but The Matte Lip is, also without a doubt, the runner-up thanks to "Damn Glamorous."

If I never got to the third fact, the "fun fact" tangent I started would be 100% unrelated rather than 66%. Numbers.