Last year when I studied abroad in the Netherlands I went from being 130 lbs to 145 lbs within the months of May and June, because that's when my jeans stopped fitting me. I am 5'3'' if that gives any perspective, and I went from being very slim (though not at all 'fit') to being on the chunky side. This was the first time in my life that I gained weight and I'm still not sure why the sudden change occurred. My metabolism used to work at an incredible pace - so quickly to the extent that I could eat junk food every day and not gain a pound. But now, with a much more controlled (though not perfect) diet, I find myself gaining weight in a heartbeat.
By my first pilonidal cyst removal surgery in the end of October 2011 **phew it's almost been a year...** I managed to go down to about 138 lbs, and I maintained that weight for a while. In fact I know that I was still that weight the end of June three months ago, because I was weighed before my third surgery. And I thought I was still maintaining that weight this entire time until today, because I thought I looked even heavier today for some reason and was thus tempted to weigh myself.
144 lbs.
I weigh 144 lbs. I don't know how this happened when I've been fixing my diet even MORE. The only roadblock I seem to have is that I barely move 5 out of 7 days in the week. And that's because I've been recovering from surgery for the past 3 months, as I (1) had open-wound healing and (2) needed to stay away from the outside world while it was open to avoid getting yet another infection since I somehow caught MRSA in June while my scar was open from surgery #2 - the reason I needed the third surgery. My wound finally closed the second week of September but the skin is still not entirely mature so I've been extremely careful. A year filled with surgeries, pain, and discomfort is enough.
Now I'm gaining weight and since gaining weight is new to me, and is happening when I try even harder to lose it, I don't know what to do. I've never felt so low about anything before. I'm going to California in a month and I will be going out walking a lot, so I've been trying to get used to walking again. And I want to feel good about how I look when I go out. But I feel so discouraged. I hate how I deny most of my cravings and instead of at least staying at 138 lbs, I somehow put on even more weight - and 6 lbs is no joke!
I don't know. It's getting to a point now where I just want to run a crapload of laps around the block and pretend I never had surgery in the first place because this whole weight-gain deal is getting ridiculously out of hand.
The worst part is, I know I have two options: (1) to eat MUCH healthier and move around once in a while or (2) to exercise regularly and tweak my diet a bit. But knowing me and my stupid body, the second I stop running every day, or the second I go and eat out in California, the weight will come right back. And it'll come back in a matter of days while it will have taken pretty much the entire month before my trip to lose it.
I've been making efforts to eat sardines for snacks, and smoothies/frozen fruit when I want something sweet:
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| The lone picture of this depressing entry. Anyway, it's a smoothie I made with soy milk, 3/4's of a banana, strawberries, raspberries, cherries, and blueberries. I need fruit juice for next time, as this one wasn't as acidic as I would have liked. |
Ugh I can talk about this forever but it's just whining.
Until next time. =/
~nikki
I think it's safe to say that a lot of us have to deal with weight gain at some point in our lives. How do you maintain your weight, or go about losing weight? Or, better yet, how have you become comfortable with your body regardless of how many pounds the scale reads?
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